I haven't yet decided what sucks more: being busy as hell at school, or fucking bored to tears (literally, on occasion) at home. [Yeah--if you haven't caught by now that I am a big one for crying, you'll pick up on it soon enough. I used to cry a whole lot when i was a kid--yeah, I was the dweeb who used to cry when my friends were mad a t me back in 6th grade--and I find that I still cry. I am really bad when saying goodbye. I never thought I'd stop crying last September when Sarah left Chicago. But I find that its alomst 50/50 good cries to bad cries lately and I guess that's cool, 'cause a joyous cry is one of the most powerful emotions possible] [ Jesus, I'm more parnthetical than Reverend Norb][ Well, not really]. I mean, school sucks because there's this enormous guilt-factor of What I Should Be Doing (usually the English major pastime of "Reading") vesus What I Am doing [normally, playing Playstation's John Madden '98, watching Beverly Hills 90210 (anyone else out there refer to Steve's girlfriend CArly as "Horsey?"), or trying to not get sucked into the WWF/WCW addiction of the guys I hang out with]. School is deadlines, procrastination, crappy food and impulse credit card purchases (I am so glad that I quit buying Magic the Gathering Cards. I must have charged like $300 worth of cards last year....).
Then there's home. For me, small town Marengo, IL. Yeah, my graduationg class was 125. Marengo is a town with four bars, three banks, four grade schools, and a tradition of inbreeding [meaning everyone is everyone else's cousin]. Past breaks off of school have seen me cleaning out my room, moving, going with marching band to the Citrus Bowl, lotsa stuff. This winter break is the first time in years that I had no school and nothing at home to do. So I am rotting. Two of my friends from Marengo have a weekly Piece of Shit Day where neither of them work (they both aren't currently going to college, but will be soon) ans they just sit around and be "Pieces of Shit."
Well, I'm having Piece of Shit Winter Break.
See, all my old pals left in Marengo work now, and so, for them, there is no break. So I sit on my ass all day, after waking up at, oh, 2 in the afternoon, and wait for them to call me, which they sometimes do. Blah. Yeah, I could Read Next Quarter's Books or Write Letters [I like capitalizing things like A.A. Milne did when he wrote Winnie the Pooh stuff], but I don't. I just veg on TV or reading magazines and roleplaying books. It leaves me empty and physically ill. Then when I get news that I might not get to visit my best friend/ girlfriend Sarah over break, I have all day to be sad and I have no outlet--of course I left my guitar at school! Even soft-core on Skin-e-max lets me down by only being scheduled when my mom is home.
Fucking small-town wasteland.
I miss Sarah and I miss having my entire world a walking distance away. Now my whole existence is at least a car ride away, and my car hasn't run for over a year.
I can say one thing though.
I've only spent about $2.50 since I've been home. And I've written this column.
BUT MY FUCKING E-MAIL IS CUT-OFF, TOO!!!
Try keeping a long-distance relationship when yer primary mode of communication is cut off.
And so it goes....
okay, so it's now january 27 and i finally sent simon this column. thanks to Charlie Clueless for the mail and to simon and nate and sarah for being rad as hell. I am continuing my rap revival still...I bought Warren G and Dr Dre last week and i' now borrowing Wyclef from a friend of mine...Promise Ring is also tops on my list, as is the new Ben Folds Five album of live and never released stuff...i have a radio show on Wnur, Evanston Chicago, from 3:30-5am on friday mornings with my pal Yoel...and I now consider myself a feminist.