Hello. my name is nate, and i am a computer geek.

... It all started
so harmlessly. I'd play doom for a little while after school, before doing my homework, to get my blood-n-guts adrenalin fix. Maybe write a short story or something or draw. For a good two or three years, this was the extent of my computer use. I guess you could say I was a social user. In my naivete, I thought the computer to be a harmless tool for entertainment. Little did I know what depths to which I'd later sink.

My computer use actually slowed at the beginning of this last summer; I found myself facing the prospect of moving off to college in 3 months, and wanted to make good use of these last days. I balanced my free time between hanging w/ friends, going to shows, playing bass in a band,and going out w/ my girlfriend.

In july I started work at a truss factory, to pay for books and tuition. This led to a resurgence in my computer use. I'd come home between 11pm and 2am, depending on if we worked overtime. Work involved a great deal of physical labor, sweating in the sun, lifting, carrying, swearing, and getting screamed at for fucking up. So i'd need strongly to unwind before bed, (and my hands were too tired for masturbation) so i'd play on the computer. I had this rad strategy game called warcraft, where you control these human or orc(little mean green guys) soldiers, and they'd build stuff and kill each other. Good wholesome fun. I think this was the beginning of my serious computer "habit;" i'd play for about 2 hrs a nite. I think even this would have been okay, had unforeseen events not occurred.

I had an accident and couldn't work anymore. Two trusses fell on me, and I broke my hand. I couldn't play bass or guitar. Driving was a pain. If I went to shows I had to stand in back so as not to get jostled and displace the broken off piece of bone in my knuckle. I truly didn't know what I was going to do with myself. My girlfriend was working a lot, as were many of my other friends. Then I discovered windows solitaire. Joy of joys! Perhaps some of you are familiar with this? The mind numbing properties of this so-called game rival that of morphine. (My sources inside the pentagon tell me that the nsa and cia have begun research on using solitaire's mind altering affects as part of a brainwashing program. I'll keep you posted.) I don't know why this is, it's not like that w/ regular cards. But when you play windows solitaire, you can just feel yourself calcifying. It's my belief that if you played long enough, you'd just turn to stone.

That's one of my big hobbies now, aside from net surfing, listening 2 jawbreaker alone softly sobbing "why? Why'd you break up?", And not doing homework. It's like meditation. After about 15 minutes of solitaire my breathing and heart rate slows,and I find all my outside concerns just... Slipping away. Another 15, and I am one with my computer. The universe as far as i'm concerned is me and the screen and the mouse. Another 30 min, and I no longer play, I merely sit and contemplate, having achieved some sort of oneness with the universe. I sit and bask in the uv from the flourescent lights, languishing slack jawed in front of the softly glowing monitor, pupils dilated, until the pain of eyestrain breaks my reverie.

And now i've discovered chats. *Sigh*

I need help.

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