i recently experienced the majesty of Boris the Sprinkler in action. They played at the Fireside Bowl in Chicago, with Suckatash, the Disfunctionals, and Jumpsuit Midget, all of whom were very good. But none of them compared to the almighty Boris. The boys from Green Bay put on quite a show, making sure to gloat a lot over the recent Green Bay Super Bowl victory, and played some great songs (Drugs and Masturbation, Goddamn Rollerbladers, Kill the Ramones, and much more.) They even played an all request encore. Reverend Norb, the band's vocalist, wore this nifty skin tight Flash costume. (you know, the fastest man alive, from DC Comics?) Before their set i had the pleasure of chatting with the good Reverend, and got to ask him a few questions at the merchandise table. (I also got to meet Nick and Greg from Snacky Pepe fanzine and sit in on THEIR interview with Norby. it's a hella fun 'zine and they're both really nice guys...) oh, by the way... i apologize if my record of our conversation seems a little jumbled, after we were through talking i realized my tape recorder hadn't been recording so i had to rely on my all-too- fallible memory.

ME: howdy Reverend Norb, it's good to meet you. you'll have to excuse me, i'm a little nervous, i've never done anything like this before.

Norb: oh don't worry about it, i hear that from all the boys.

Me: (laugh) well, let's get this started... the band (suckatash) that's playing now has the same name as another band i really like. i was just curious as to how you'd react if another band were to cop your band's name?

Norb: Actually, i'd probably just sit back and laugh because it's such a stupid name.

Me: i'm curious... do you have one of those Wisconsin Cheese Head hats? (for those who don't know, this is a big wedge of foam rubber that you wear on your head and it looks like a hunka cheddar.)

Norb: Yeah i do, actually last time we played here we all wore them, and we wanted to wear them when we played in Germany but... they're too wide and don't stay on well, they fall off very easily but they make it really easy to do head stands because the top is nice and flat and it provides some good cushioning.

Me: Okay. I wanted to get you opinion on the whole Chicago-Green Bay rivalry, which seems to have died out of late... do you think it could ever start back up, maybe if the Bears stop sucking?

Norb: oh definitely, if the Packers start to suck and the Bears get good again it'll probably start back up again. Right now though, Dallas is the enemy. Maybe if (Bear's coach) Dave Wannstadt would have a couple big line backers take croquet mallets and just bash Brett Favre (Green Bay's Quarterback) on the knee caps then i'm sure it would really kick the rivalry into gear.

Me: i have a story about the whole Packers-Bears thing... by my mom's house this guy at a bar got really drunk and started spouting off about how great the Packers were, and so some other guys duct-taped him to a stop sign. Later a cop came by and asked what happened, and after hearing the explanation, the cop said the guy deserved it and left him there!

Norb: well, that seems perfectly understandable to me.

Me: was it hard growing up in Green Bay? i'm from northern illinois, and it SUCKED.

Norb: oh it was lots of fun! i got duct-taped to stop signs a lot.

Me: what was it like starting off as a band in Green Bay? was it hard to get shows and such?

Norb: Well, i started my first punk rock band (The RatEaters) when i was 14, and there was nowhere to play, but that's okay because we really sucked. But when you've been in bands for 15 years it gradually gets easier, there's bands and 'zines and venues now and blah blah blah. you know.

Me: Yeah, okay. how about this... would you ever "sell out?"

Norb: that really depends... how much money do you have?

Me: ... Million dollars?

Norb: oh definitely.

Me: what do you think of the re-releasing of the Star Wars movies?

Norb: i O.D.ed on all that crap in the 70's when it first came out so i actually have no interest at all. i DID see Star Wars the day it opened for the first time in Green Bay, though. I think it's good they're re-releasing it, because now a whole new generation has a chance to overdose on it and it'll all go away for another two generations or so.

Me: if you could fuck one famous person, who would it be?

Norb: oh boy... living or dead?

Me: your choice.

Norb: in their state of livingness or deathness?

Me: again, your choice.

Norb: ohh... (pauses in thought) Julie Newmar who played Catwoman in the original Batman series.

Me: (laughs) all right, well just one last question. being a reverend and all, have you ever conducted a wedding?

Norb: well, no. i've never married anyone. when i got ordained it was free, but you have to be licensed by the state to conduct marriages, and that costs money so no. plus being an avowed advocate of bachelorhood, i could never consign two people to that kind of hell for the rest of their lives.

Me: well, it's been really nice talking with you thank you very much!

Norb: oh no problem. thank you!

and Norb was even nice enough to hang on to the records i bought for me after i foolishly left them at the table.

Nate Holdren

back to b section

main | words | music | art